unecho › Narcissist Tactics A–Z, With Example Texts · Updated 2026-10-26

Narcissist Tactics A–Z, With Example Texts

These are the tactics people most often describe in texts from a narcissistic ex, partner or parent, each with a plain definition, an example message and a calm reply. Examples are written to illustrate common patterns.

Discard

Ending things or going cold abruptly, often with blame, when you're no longer useful or have set a boundary.

I need space. you've been too much lately

Reply: "Okay." No chasing, no explaining.

Future faking

Promising a future (trips, marriage, change) to get what they want now.

once things calm down we'll move in together, I promise. just give me this weekend

Reply: Judge by actions, not plans. "Let's talk when something has actually changed."

Gaslighting

Making you doubt your memory or perception.

I never said that. you're remembering it wrong again

Reply: "I remember it differently." Don't debate your memory. See DARVO vs gaslighting.

Guilt-tripping

Making you responsible for their feelings so you give in. 15 examples from parents.

I guess I'm last on the list now

Reply: "You're not last. I'm busy Sunday."

Hoovering

Trying to pull you back after a breakup or no contact: nostalgia, "I've changed", fake emergencies.

drove past our old place today. couldn't stop thinking about us

Reply: Usually none. Any reply tells them the door is open.

Love bombing

Overwhelming affection early on to create fast attachment.

I've never felt this way about anyone. I think you're my soulmate (week 2)

Reply: Slow it down: "I like you. I want to take this slow."

Silent treatment

Withdrawing contact for hours or days as punishment.

are we okay? you haven't answered since Tuesday

Then: Send one message, then stop. "I'm here when you want to talk."

Stonewalling

Shutting down mid-conversation: one-word answers, leaving, refusing to engage.

whatever

Reply: "Let's pick this up tomorrow when we're both calmer."

Triangulation

Bringing a third person in to create jealousy or competition.

my ex never had a problem with me going out

Reply: "I'm talking about us."

Seeing several of these in one message? That's common. unecho tags each line with the tactic it uses and suggests a neutral, firm or silent reply. Free tools: grey rock builder · BIFF builder.

Questions people ask

What is hoovering?

Hoovering is an attempt to pull you back into a relationship after a breakup or no contact, through nostalgia, apologies, fake emergencies or guilt.

What is love bombing?

Love bombing is overwhelming affection and attention early on, used to create fast attachment that later becomes leverage.

What is future faking?

Future faking is promising a future, like trips, marriage or change, to get what someone wants now, without following through.

What is the difference between stonewalling and the silent treatment?

Stonewalling is shutting down during a conversation. The silent treatment is withdrawing contact for hours or days as punishment.

What is triangulation?

Triangulation is bringing a third person into a conflict, often through comparison, to create jealousy or competition.